Elementary School Confessions

• In third grade there was a girl that we called "Fat Teresa" TO HER FACE. That was her name - Fat Teresa. We actually thought we were being charitable and kind when we invited Fat Teresa over after school one time to do a "makeover" on her.
• Oh and speaking of fat...I recently had this horrible revelation that says a lot about my early childhood development. Jeff and I were watching Extreme Dodgeball on GSN and I remarked that their set-up (two teams on either side of a court equally playing offense and defense) was very different from the way we used to play back in the day. Jeff was shocked to learn that the Treeview Elementary School way was to have "all the fat kids" stand inside a circle and the rest of us lob balls at them. They never threw the balls back at us. We just kept on throwing until only one fat kid was left standing and declared the winner.
• I was an official member of the ABC club, or the Andrea, Brandy, Casey club. You could only be in the club if your name started with a unique letter of the alphabet. Thankfully, I got in before Jessica did...
• In fifth grade I accidentally broke Brandy Larson's Pentel colored marker set and she told all of the other girls not to talk to me. I was SHUNNED! Fat Teresa wouldn't even talk to me!!! I faked sick two days in a row and when I did have to go to school, was forced to play tether-ball with the sixth grade girls. About a week passed and I called Brandy to apologize and offered to buy her a new set of pens. She said, "Oh, is that why I was mad at you? I totally forgot." The next day we walked to school together and when the recess bell rang Brandy told the ABC girls, "Jennifer gets the B-square" (only the second best square in 4-square - Brandy always had the A-square). Though the ABC girls were shocked, they fell in line and I was back in the in-crowd.
• In sixth grade I had a "Star Search" themed birthday party, where all my friends had to come prepared to perform their talent in my living room. Of course I was the hostess and spokes-model. While this might not sound like something I need to confess, the fact is the whole thing was filmed and a VHS tape does exist of me dancing with a folk guitar while lip syncing to George Michael's "Faith."

Comments

[sara]

In elementary school, I held my sister as a virtual prisoner of guilt after I witnessed her steal a pair of barbie shoes from her friend...aahhh..Jewish guilt...

[Pibb]

"In fifth grade I accidentally broke Brandy Larson's Pentel colored marker set..."

I could see accidentally breaking 1 marker. But the whole set? Accidentally? Mmm. I guess sometimes "accidents" happen to Pentel Colored marker sets. Sounds like a young Jenn Chantal was maybe tired of Brandy bogarting the A-square. Maybe you'd like to tell us what really happened?

Nonetheless, I love this entry.

[DadChantal]

Except for the last bullet, I never knew any of this. Could our little precious really have been so mean? I blame it on your skipping out on Sunday School every week.

[Kristen]

Thank GOD we were far apart enough in age that I never attended school with you.

[Jeff]

How was this line.. "only the second best square in 4-square" not in Napoleon Dynamite!?!

[JennChantal]

First, to answer Pibb's question - indeed it was a true accident. In fifth grade I was not yet brave enough to actually cross Brandy Larson. If you remember the Pentel marker set, you'll know that to access the markers, you had to take the flap out of a plastic strip. Well, instead of doing that, I actually ripped the plastic strip. So, the markers were still totally usable, but the case just wasn't in the pretty, perfect condition that Miss Larson would require.

Now, in response to DadChantal - though I might have been mean, these early childhood experiences have shaped the woman I've become. For the past 3 years I've dedicated myself to pounding the public health pavement to help curb the childhood obesity epidemic. I do not want our future generation of Fat Teresas to be pummeled with dodgeballs without the option of actually throwing the balls back.

[ashley]

Sheesh. Boy am I thankful that I met you in college... years after your mean elementary school days. And suffice it to say, I think you've matured into a much more respectable woman than the one-time queen bee, Ms. Brandy Larson.

[Kristen]

I'm sure Fat Teresa would thank you today if she could.... Is a "Little Sister Confessions" in the works?

[Aletha]

I think these confessions need to be the subject of another "Mortified" show.....