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"When greeting a co-worker, you shouldn't walk up and shake genitalia."
- Jon, on what he learned from the sexual harassment case his lawyer girlfriend is litigating
"She beer goggled herself!"
- Tim, about his fiance who apparently got really, really drunk and stood in front of the mirror commenting on how amazingly hot she was
"More power to you."
- Ernest, after I thanked him for letting me borrow his laptop power cord for the day
Rich: "They say that every time you masturbate, a baby seal dies."Will: "No wonder they're endangered."
"It says, if found please return for reward."
- Sticker on my mother's new 5.5-inch, portable black and white tv/radio (listing price - around $40)
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