"It's like Kauai without the natural beauty part."
- Jon, on the difference between having a wedding in Kauai versus my hometown of Hayward
"We don't get any of the black holidays off."
- Jon, on his company's holiday policy (he has to work on MLK day)
"Anti-freeze and a hot dog."
- Jon, on how he "handled" a neighbor's howling dog...
"Let me know if you need someone to come over, drink a bunch of beer and state, 'Well…there’s your problem.' I’m really good at that."
- Jon, welcoming us to the joys of homeowners' repairs
"When greeting a co-worker, you shouldn't walk up and shake genitalia."
- Jon, on what he learned from the sexual harassment case his lawyer girlfriend is litigating
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