"Look at the bright side - this only happens once every six years."
- Me, trying to rationalize my extreme drunkeness to Jeff. I'd gone out for birthday drinks with my co-workers and quickly consumed three drinks without pairing my selection with any sort of dinner. Jeff spent the next 14 hours taking care of me - which he did back in 2001 for my 25th birthday. I remember my Mom said he was a keeper after that ordeal.
- Me, after King Richard said that he wanted to buy Planet Earth. He meant the Discovery channel DVD series for his new HD tv, but I didn't know that at the time. Actually, this quote happened on Thursday night, but Jeff and I were actually watching the Planet Earth series on Sunday and we reminisced how funny this little gem of mine was and since I can't think of anything better, this will do.
- Me, after Jeff said that JR's Barbeque calls their Arnold Palmer (half iced tea, half lemonade) drink a Tiger Woods. I didn't realize that Arnold Palmer was a golfer, so this was the only explanation that seemed to make sense.
"And now here they sit in front of us - happy, in love, married, home bitches."
- Me, during my maid-of-honor-in-spirit wedding speech. Jill and Tim are "home bitches" because neither one of them have had a job in the 5 months since they moved from LA