JENNCHANTAL

Fever Pitch

I bet when you saw the preview for Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon you thought you had the movie all summed up. Girl likes boy. Boy likes the Red Sox. Girl doesn't like boy liking the Red Sox. Red Sox win the World Series. Girl and boy fall in love and kiss on the infield next to neanderthal lookalike, Johnny Damon. Okay, so you did have the movie all summed up...

However, if you are anything like me, you didn't foresee perhaps the greatest pregnancy scare dialog of all time:

"I'm late."
"Late for what?"
"No, Ben, I'm late."

Nor did you ever think the writers would be bold enough to make Drew Barrymore's character a genius mathematician put to the daily grind at an advertising firm. How math and advertising connect is irrelevant - what you should be focusing on here is Drew Barrymore as a genius mathematician. I think that might have been the single best joke in the entire film. Brilliant.

Unfortunately, these two plot points aren't enough to sustain the film. So I'm being very generous by giving it a "Wait for the Rental" JennChantal rating.

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Millions

It'd been over two months since I'd seen a movie in the theaters. Yes, somehow I managed to pass on Hitch, Constantine, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, and the Pacifier. Incomprehensible, I know. Anyhow, I had the movie going itch this weekend and decided to seek out an independent film so I could feel snobby. I landed on Millions.

It's the story of a boy in England who often has visions of Catholic saints. When a duffel bag filled with money literally falls from the sky and into his possession, he believes it's a sign from God and now his duty to give it all away to the poor.

Visually, it's pretty impressive. The effects really bring you into this boy's whimsical world. However, the plot was just too predictable. It felt like a bad mix between a super Christian made for tv movie and Home Alone.

So, with all good conscience, I cannot recommend that my fans run out to see this movie. And though I know there's slim pickings in the theaters these days - realize that there's a lot of great reality tv on that you could be watching instead.

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Million Dollar Baby

Okay, so I'm sure you've heard by now that the movie takes a "turn." Well, that's a complete understatement.

So, if you're just looking for a pure, feel-good boxing movie (and I mean, really - who isn't?) - you might want to pack your stuff up about an hour and a half in and just leave the theater.

However, if you decide you want to stay to the end to see what all the hubbub is about...well, maybe when you're in line for concessions, you might want to pick up a handful of napkins. You know, popcorn's super greasy and what if you spill your drink!? I'm just saying...

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Sideways

I think Jeff summed it up the best, "Sideways is like the middle-aged Swingers."

So if you're middle aged or if you liked Swingers, you'll probably get a kick out of this movie.

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Ocean's Twelve

Somehow my Tivo found out that I liked the first Ocean’s Eleven and recorded it every time it came on HBO. I never disagree with Tivo. Tivo knows me better than I do. So, I’ve seen the first film at least 15 times. And every time I watched it, I loved it more and more. Ocean’s Eleven is as fun as it is slick with a great cast of characters and an intriguing heist-driven plotline.

Unfortunately, Ocean’s Twelve is so not Ocean’s Eleven. First of all, Catherine Zeta-Jones’s attempt at acting is dreadfully painful to watch. She was a horrible addition to the cast. Julia Roberts, on the other hand, still is America’s Sweetheart. Let’s all just cross our fingers that Hazel and Phinneaus won’t interrupt her movie career for too long…

Ocean’s Twelve just doesn't make any sense. In fact, when Jeff recapped the film’s storyline for me 15 minutes after watching it, I thought he’d seen a different movie. Something about a father in search of his daughter and hiring a guy to do a heist to trick another shyster into thinking he was a master thief when, in fact, George Clooney is the best crook in the world, all to settle the score with Terry Benedict and the Bellagio Hotel. Oh, and Julia Roberts as Tess as Julia Roberts.

That being said – the movie is fun. I might not have understood it, but I still enjoyed watching it. And you could tell that the cast enjoyed “acting” with one another in it. I mean, who could forget this summer’s tabloid press of Brad and Jen and George and Matt and their lesser known girlfriends jumping off of yachts off the coast of Italy? If US Magazine has taught me anything (and boy has it ever), it’s that the cast of Ocean’s Twelve really likes each other and has a lot of fun together.

So go for the popcorn. You’ll have a good time, though maybe not as good a time as the cast. Did you know that George Clooney is a practical jokester? And he has a pet pig! You’ll never have as much fun as a hot millionaire prankster with a pot-bellied pig. But you might get extra butter on your popcorn – and that’s almost as good.

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Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Dear Diary,

Saw movie starring 1 Renee Z as v. kooky but lovable B. Jones. Ms. Z. gained MASSIVE amounts of weight to play a character who, in the book, fluctuated btw 130-135 lbs. ugh! Story was vv. boring w. 0 plot.

• 1 m. popcorn
• 1 l. slurpee
• 1 candycane (snuck in mom's vl. purse)
• Time wasted = 2 hrs.

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The Incredibles

A super fun movie that chronicles the lives of a family of superheros trying to blend into normal society. Finally - a movie worthy of my amazing green eye!

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The Grudge

The only thing that was scary about this movie was Sarah Michelle Gellar's profile.

Hear me when I say that this is the ABSOLUTE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. I walked out with a headache from trying to make any sense of it. There wasn't a plot, it was excruciatingly slow, and the biggest scare factor they could come up with was the sound of someone croaking like a frog. My only takeaway was that American's would be best off to just stay out of Japan. So Pibb, if you're reading this, get out while you still can!

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Finding Neverland

I should start by saying that I love Johnny Depp - he can do no wrong. I even liked him in that horrible Jack the Ripper movie. However, I'll do my journalistic best to create a non-biased report of this movie (which we saw a full two weeks before it comes out in the theaters - yea, we got it like that).

Johnny Depp stars as J.M. Barrie, the playwright behind Peter Pan. The movie chronicles how he developed the storyline after falling in love with a widow and her four fatherless sons. He creates his fantasy Neverland to help one of the boys, Peter, regain the magic of childhood imagination lost since his father's death.

It's not a bad movie. But it's not great either. It's sort of a take it or leave it kind of thing. So, as much as I love Johnny and want to help his box office numbers - I have to balance that with the pockets of my adoring fans. If you just want a reason to stare at JD, then by all means - take in the matinee. Otherwise, wait till it comes out on DVD - maybe it'll have some interesting extras or something.

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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

This was perhaps the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. The big buzz about this movie was that they shot the entire thing on a blue screen and added in all the scenes using CGI. The thrill of that lasts for about 2 minutes. Then all you are left with is a horrible plot, a god awful script, and terrible acting. Oh - and they steal scenes directly from Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Jurrassic Park, Lord of the Rings, Wizard of Oz, and King Kong. I don't know if they were trying to do an "homage" to great movies - but for that to work - you usually have to have a good movie yourself...

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