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"Did you know that kids with big feet are statistically smarter than kids with small feet?"
- Fun fact during a work presentation. He then caveated his statement by saying that kids with big feet are also older than kids with small feet and seemed really proud of himself for pointing that out.
"Can't you shit somewhere else?"
- Mean neighbor down the street to Acey. I felt like taking the bag of poop I was holding and throwing it in his face.
"My mom thinks I'm doing drugs...you know, because I stay up so late every night."
- Teenage girl (looked like a meth addict to me) on her cell phone
"So you live in Unit #D. D as in dog...and I don't mean that in the nasty way."
- Our homeowner's association manager. I have absolutely no idea why "dog" would be considered nasty...but I figure I'm better off not knowing
"From my generation to yours, welcome back Sir. Welcome back."
- It was quite the patriotic moment at the Home Depot Tool Rental Center when the clerk and former first-Iraq war vet took a moment to welcome back the Vietnam War vet customer renting a steam cleaner
"Not one bit."
- Old man sitting next to us at the Apple Pan counter who was at the Apple Pan on opening day on April 11, 1947 about whether the place had changed in 60 years
"Are you two from Oregon?"
- Lady attendant at the Hayward gas station...because we were driving a Prius. Tree hugging environmentalists can only come from one place, I suppose.
Retail Sales Associate: "Christmas Eve is for wrapping presents."
Me: "I've heard that's what the Magi were doing that night."
"I have a question...the moon has risen...mas tequila, por favor."
- Random (drunk) wedding guest to the Mexican waiter
Woman: "Be careful - there are a lot of mean girls at this [dog] park."
Man: "Oh? Which dogs?"
Woman: "No - not dogs, those girls over there."
- The woman was pointing to me and two other girls I was standing with. Dog park people are really weird.
